To err is human

Remember this phrase from our childhood – to err is human? Most of us have read this in our childhood. And on a few occasions, though not every time, we have owned up to our mistakes and took care to either rectify them or to apologize. As we grow older, we tend to react in two ways to the errors that we commit – either we accept that we indeed made a mistake, or we go to a complete mode of denial blaming everyone but ourselves for the mistake. Now, the conventional (and if I may say, the normal) thought is that we tend to get wiser, mature and more understanding as we age. But these days, I find it immensely difficult to find a person who actually accepts and acknowledges the fact that he/she too can make a mistake. This is a different time, very much different from the time when our parents, aunts and uncles were young adults. In this time, people do not spend an inordinate amount of energy fuming against themselves each time they make a mistake - though we all agree that to err is human, each of us individually believes that he or she is the exception. The market is galore with self-improvement books these days where the entire population remains absorbed; would it not be easier to become better versions of ourselves if we accept personal mistakes and correct them as soon as possible? I feel that once you own up to the mistakes you commit, your integrity and accountability get a boost. Admitting and taking responsibility for a mistake means a willingness to show human vulnerability and transparency – which cultivates a sense of trust, adds to your credibility. There was a time when our best friends were the ones whom we fought with, played with, shared secrets with and to whom we confided our aspirations, dreams and feelings. Then came Alexa, WhatsApp, Facebook, Tinder, etc., and they became our closest aides and allies; we all have now become cocooned within ourselves and are self-absorbed. The urge or the need to share and empathize has become obsolete as our virtual buddies do not need any of these. Maybe this has contributed to our attitude these days – the adamancy of standing by our concocted beliefs, whether they are justified or not. And with this attitude comes the big ego which does not let us see beyond I, ME and MYSELF. We, with our fragile and bloated egos, cannot absorb the blow of admitting that we were wrong. So our defense mechanisms kick in, at times subconsciously, and we externalize any blame and even dispute basic facts to ward off the threat of having to lower ourselves by offering an apology. We end up doubling down on our wrongness by blaming circumstances, denying the facts, or attacking other people. With our increasing affinity towards technology and social media, the task of apologizing for our mistakes seems to have become a lost art. Admitting that we are wrong is emotionally uncomfortable and painful to our sense of self. In order to take responsibility and apologize, our self-esteem needs to be strong enough for us to absorb that discomfort. ‘Sorry’ is the word that should be said more often than it is said in one’s life. It’s important to show the other person that you’re willing to take responsibility for your actions and to admit that you were wrong. However, some things can’t be fixed, such as when you’ve said something hurtful to a friend. In this instance, the best thing to do is to make sure it doesn’t happen again, and to show by your actions that you’re sincerely sorry. If you’ve realized that there’s a problem that you can work on, you could also mention this, to show that you’re taking steps to make sure it doesn’t happen again. The apology should fit the mistake. Excessive reparations or behavior that goes above and beyond what they asked of you might help ease your guilt, but it won’t necessarily have any benefits for the person you wronged. It might even lead them to doubt your sincerity. Over-the-top apologies can seem mocking and insincere. They also tend to convey more of your feelings than any recognition of the other person’s pain. Requesting forgiveness is an important part of the apology, because it gives the person you wronged some agency in the situation. Keep in mind that forgiveness isn’t guaranteed, no matter how sincere your apology.

Musings

Though Not as old as the rustic red walls of the Lal Quila, I am now old enough to recall the times when I had a lot of friends in my life despite the absence of cell phones, social media and emails. That was a time when we looked forward to the annual Book Fair, and when five hundred rupees was a princely sum to buy a load of books. The were no eBooks, and the paper ones that we had were prized possessions. Information had to be dug out from the piles of old newspapers at home, or from the books and journals in the maze of bookshelves in public libraries. Knowledge and information were not a click away; and photocopies of notes and books were gratefully accepted and used. Libraries were cool places to be back then. We knew how to write using a pen and paper and took pride in our neat handwriting and fountain pens. We used to write letters to our cousins and friends. And pen friends added spice to our simple everyday life. Playboy and Debonair magazines were kept hidden by brothers and uncles under mattresses or in piles of ‘normal’ books. Then, the internet landed in cyber cafes, and information on sex could be accessed without the exercise of buying magazines and shady books and the task of hiding it from the female relatives could be avoided. And here we are today, every human being has a phone. So now every move we make, every breath we take is under scrutiny and every place we visit is exotic in our edited photos, including the shop of the neighbourhood butcher who cares nothing about maintaining hygiene. In the absence of ‘influencers’, the studious boy-next-door or the polite-cousin were our idols (or rather, our parents wanted us to be like them). No matter how ‘down’ we felt or how much ‘solitude’ or ‘space’ we craved for, it was mandatory to greet the guests who dropped uninvited (naturally) at our homes in the evenings or Sunday mornings. And deviation to this would end up with some robust verbal summon and/or a nice slap or two. Lunches were spontaneous, joyous affairs with the much-awaited chicken curry reserved for Sundays. There was no unlimited access to chips, pizza, carbonated drinks, or fat-laden burgers. The television, which had just one channel till we were well into out teens (when DD Metro brought glamour to our living rooms), was out of bounds for the kids for the entire week; this necessitated that we actually got ourselves busy with outdoor/indoor games or engage in hobbies like painting, singing, etc. News was more neutral then, and the audience was open to discussion and debate (not one sided!). Sunsets were enjoyed through the open windows, or over a cup of tea (milk for the kids!) on the verandah, and not on Instagram pages. And yes, good communication skills were mandatory, and so was responding to everyone with courtesy and a smile. The neighbourhood shopkeeper was familiar as we had to take umpteen trips to buy household and school items. Now, we inhabit our own echo chambers constantly reinforcing our own biases, don’t we? There were problems in relationships and friendships, back then. But issues would be solved with discussion, cajoling, reprimanding, and understanding. Privacy did exist, but its need was far from pathological – the elders opined and suggested, and the younger ones did lend patient hearing. Now we judge our friend’s/partner’s mood from little messages, some which may just be emojis. And there was some joy, some inquisitiveness (not unhealthy interest) in fishing our phone numbers from dog-eared directories and relying on our inbuilt grey calls to find out landline numbers and birthdays of people. There were no digital prompts and ‘contact list’ on phones. Yes, birthdays were celebrated with friends and families over simple, home cooked food, with actual physical energy pouring out of every pore in our bodies; even the cakes, though not always perfect, were baked with love by our family members. Like the rapidly vanishing ‘scooters’ and Assam-type homes, some aspects of our lives are gone forever. And with us will vanish these wonderful memories and reminisces of the life we led and lived.

X, Y, etc

“Ma, don’t be so sus!”, exclaimed my thirteen year old son. I was taken aback, not by his not-so-polite tone, but by the term ‘sus’. Now, what was that supposed to mean? Later, after we reached a truce, my son explained that ‘sus’ meant ‘suspicious’, and it was a word that ‘Generation Alpha’ used. Gen Alpha? And I was still struck to Generation X, my time, my peers… Though naming generations is more of an American trend, with rapid globalization, we all are now in the loop. Ours, the ones born between 1965 and 1981, belonged to what was popularly called the “latchkey generation” (Generation X), as many of us were often left unsupervised at home after school until the parents returned home from work. Douglas Coupland’s 1991 novel, Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated Culture, is believed to be the origin for the term ‘Generation X’. Generation X overlaps the sandwich generation – which care for both their old, aging parents and their own children. Isn’t it fascinating that an entire generation gets an appellation? Novelist Gertrude Stein, who reportedly first coined the term the Lost Generation to describe the people who were born roughly between 1880 and 1900 and who had lived through World War I, may be credited for this. That phrasing was popularized by Ernest Hemingway in The Sun Also Rises, the epigraph for which quotes Stein saying, “You are all a lost generation.” Our grandparents and their contemporaries, born between 1928-1944, belonged to the ‘silent generation’. Also known as "Radio Babies" or "Traditionalists," the silent generation was taught to show respect to others by practicing courtesy and deference to authority. Our parents, most of them being born between 1945 to 1964, belonged to the Baby Boomers generation. According to a June 2008 survey by Pew Research Centre, the baby boomers generation is the gloomiest generation and are more downbeat about their lives than adults who are younger or older (remember our parent’s glum face and volatile mood when we were young?). The survey further finds that the boomers’ glum assessments about their lives overall are matched by relatively high levels of anxiety about their personal finances. Those born between 1982-1994 belong to Generation Y and are also known as Millennials, the Generation Why, Digital Natives or the Boomerang Generation. Generation Y is techno-savvy; though not born into the digital world, this generation migrated into it with elan. Then came Generation Z, those who are born between 1995-2010. Also labelled as centennials, for having been born into the world at the turn of the century, they arrived with a tablet and a smartphone under their cribs. Generation Z has the Internet as a part of their genome, and it shapes their relationships, storms their homes, imparts their education and decides their way of socializing. Last but not the least, Generation Alpha includes anyone born between 2010 and now, including up to the year 2024. The term was introduced by Australian social researcher Mark McCrindle in a 2008 report on the subject. This youngest generation is defined by the digital world. They are the first generation to experience remote classrooms, tablet computers, and ubiquitous streaming services from early childhood. They will also likely be affected by the emerging use of artificial intelligence. But it’s my generation, the Gen X demographic cohort, which saw it all. Well, almost all…We started off with televisions with antennae (which had to be manually rotated at our rooftops for ‘catching’ the signal!) and no remote, and now we watch OLED television. We can clearly recall our journey from ‘rotating dial’ telephones, PCOs, cordless handsets to modern-day smartphones. From baking cakes in round ovens to dishing out crème-bruleè from sleek microwaves, from travelling in rickety night-super buses (sans air conditioning) to travelling in bullet trains and from savoring grandma’s rice-dal cooked in earthen choolah to ordering keto-meals in Swiggy, my generation has had it all… Long before Siri and Alexa came into our bedrooms, we shared our lives with the Sony’s Walkman. It was an HMT or Titan watch on the wrist which epitomized the journey from teenage to adulthood; now, every person in sight sports a smartwatch. Yes, we travelled in trains, used slate in schools, ate lusi and boot dail in wedding receptions, received and gifted hideously tinted glass bowls in marriages, used postcards and inland cards, saw fax and telegraphs being used, played seven-stones, rode in Ambassador and Maruti 800 cars, listened to songs in gramophones (record players) and audio cassette players, used dusters on blackboards and also had fun with the play station and Xbox. We watched movies on VCRs and VCPs, bought cinema-tickets in ‘black’, joined the PVR brigade, and now, with our middle-aged backs needing some occasional rest, we watch web series in OTT platforms. We cherished test cricket, 45-overs ODIs, 50-overs ODIs, T20s; we saw the rise and fall of the love for cricket (match fixing). We witnessed Sachin Tendulkar at his prime, listened to Michael Jackson and Bryan Adams, saw the disintegration of the USSR, and were parts of CAB/CAA. We also lived through the Latur earthquake, Bhopal Tragedy, plague pandemic and COVID-19. We tasted Gold Spot, Rasna, Trinka and Thrill, and now we settle for tetra-packed juices. We saw Maggi’s debut in India, and the foray of the first superhero figurines (He-man and Skeletor) into the Indian market. We graduated from Mandrake, Tintin and Phantom comics to Sidney Sheldon and Stephen King over the decades; and now we also read Gerunimo Stilton and Manga series (from the kids’ bookshelves!). And it has been quite an adventure, from eagerly bought paperbacks to the ubiquitous Kindle. For us, the Assamese, it has been a long journey from Operation Bajrang to the AIIMS Guwahati, from one Chandmari-flyover to countless flyovers, from husori in the patio to Guiness-record holding synchronized bihu dance, from U-Turn-Chinatown-Sunflower-Reboti to Starbucks and McDonalds, from Fancy Bazar to the City Centre. Therefore, if we meet a Gen Alpha person, we must ‘slay’ with the goodness of our generation. I am sure that people from different times do ‘vibe’ at some level. There is no ‘W or L’ about any particular generation. Something about each generation ‘hits different’. (If you have not ‘understood the assignment’ in this paragraph, please seek your kid’s assistance!).