To err is human

Remember this phrase from our childhood – to err is human? Most of us have read this in our childhood. And on a few occasions, though not every time, we have owned up to our mistakes and took care to either rectify them or to apologize. As we grow older, we tend to react in two ways to the errors that we commit – either we accept that we indeed made a mistake, or we go to a complete mode of denial blaming everyone but ourselves for the mistake. Now, the conventional (and if I may say, the normal) thought is that we tend to get wiser, mature and more understanding as we age. But these days, I find it immensely difficult to find a person who actually accepts and acknowledges the fact that he/she too can make a mistake. This is a different time, very much different from the time when our parents, aunts and uncles were young adults. In this time, people do not spend an inordinate amount of energy fuming against themselves each time they make a mistake - though we all agree that to err is human, each of us individually believes that he or she is the exception. The market is galore with self-improvement books these days where the entire population remains absorbed; would it not be easier to become better versions of ourselves if we accept personal mistakes and correct them as soon as possible? I feel that once you own up to the mistakes you commit, your integrity and accountability get a boost. Admitting and taking responsibility for a mistake means a willingness to show human vulnerability and transparency – which cultivates a sense of trust, adds to your credibility. There was a time when our best friends were the ones whom we fought with, played with, shared secrets with and to whom we confided our aspirations, dreams and feelings. Then came Alexa, WhatsApp, Facebook, Tinder, etc., and they became our closest aides and allies; we all have now become cocooned within ourselves and are self-absorbed. The urge or the need to share and empathize has become obsolete as our virtual buddies do not need any of these. Maybe this has contributed to our attitude these days – the adamancy of standing by our concocted beliefs, whether they are justified or not. And with this attitude comes the big ego which does not let us see beyond I, ME and MYSELF. We, with our fragile and bloated egos, cannot absorb the blow of admitting that we were wrong. So our defense mechanisms kick in, at times subconsciously, and we externalize any blame and even dispute basic facts to ward off the threat of having to lower ourselves by offering an apology. We end up doubling down on our wrongness by blaming circumstances, denying the facts, or attacking other people. With our increasing affinity towards technology and social media, the task of apologizing for our mistakes seems to have become a lost art. Admitting that we are wrong is emotionally uncomfortable and painful to our sense of self. In order to take responsibility and apologize, our self-esteem needs to be strong enough for us to absorb that discomfort. ‘Sorry’ is the word that should be said more often than it is said in one’s life. It’s important to show the other person that you’re willing to take responsibility for your actions and to admit that you were wrong. However, some things can’t be fixed, such as when you’ve said something hurtful to a friend. In this instance, the best thing to do is to make sure it doesn’t happen again, and to show by your actions that you’re sincerely sorry. If you’ve realized that there’s a problem that you can work on, you could also mention this, to show that you’re taking steps to make sure it doesn’t happen again. The apology should fit the mistake. Excessive reparations or behavior that goes above and beyond what they asked of you might help ease your guilt, but it won’t necessarily have any benefits for the person you wronged. It might even lead them to doubt your sincerity. Over-the-top apologies can seem mocking and insincere. They also tend to convey more of your feelings than any recognition of the other person’s pain. Requesting forgiveness is an important part of the apology, because it gives the person you wronged some agency in the situation. Keep in mind that forgiveness isn’t guaranteed, no matter how sincere your apology.