The lost smile....

I woke up with the reminisces of a tiny heartbeat 

Of a new life that breathed in a wrong place inside me.....

Or was it the time which was wrong? 

Alone, I wandered by a river of strange faces, 

And I remembered a Spanish word I learned sometime back,.

And now whenever I think of the daughter I have to wait to meet, 

I find that word in my mouth:

Roana..

The one with reddish brown skin. ...

The one I never see but sometimes I  sense -

A flash in the corner of my eyes-

A carefree laughter …

A sweet sharp note already fading by the time it catches my ear....

I wonder if you feel her presence too,

If you too wonder about her dimples and tiny gold earrings,

If you too regret …………..

I feel a sting of random tears

And nestle within me a little sorrow;

Not out of uncertainty 

But for her smile which I never saw ,

The silky tresses which I never combed....

She remains fossilized now..

A perfectly preserved memory in my tiny museum...

Otherwise the days are without punctuation,

And the nights are dark black pages.

But sometimes it wants to set out – my mind does… 

To find the missing sorrow 

That defied logic and came between your fate and mine;

Unexpected and unwanted, in disguise of realism. 

And now there are bigger battles to fight,

There are visible wounds to soothe..

But my invisible pain comes back when I see her smile

And I try to embrace the vanishing point,  

The point where I left her alone...

Without even a headstone to remember her by.....