Awkwardly awkward

Admit it! Even the most gregarious of us have faced one awkward moment or the other. I mean one of those problematic occasions with long silences, sporadic coughs, and people saying isolated things like, "Well, isn't the weather horrible these days?”

Before I proceed to the general situations that make us feel like fools, let me narrate a personal incident. It happened a few years back in Delhi. I was on the way to meet a friend of mine, and mid-way, I asked my spouse to stop the car so that I can buy some goodies for my friend. I bought some chocolates and sweets, and returned to sit in the passenger seat of the car. Regaling my spouse about the great deal on the chocolates I got at the store, I was miffed when there was no response from him. (‘He is unappreciative of my purchase at such a good price’ – this was my thought). I looked sideways from the passenger seat to tell him how indifferent he was, and lo! I was staring at a complete stranger with beard and an uneasy smile. Even in the darkness of that night, I remember the poor guy’s face illuminated sporadically by the oncoming traffic that evening in Delhi. I do not wish to go into the details of the earful I had to bear from my spouse that day, but yes, I did learn the literal meaning of the wise old saying “Look before you leap”! I also learnt that every car that looks like mine need not be mine, though it might be parked in the exactly same place where I had disembarked from it.

Imagine another situation which we all come across very frequently. The crowded elevators (‘lifts’) that take forever to reach your floor and you are caught inside with complete strangers looking at nowhere and everywhere. Your eyes get locked with the serious looking man who has a tic, and you find yourself looking away only to stare into the eyes of the lady to your right with smoky eyes. You give the ghost of a smile, and wait for the repercussion. Add to that the awkward “aahs” and “it’s taking so long” expressions, and you have nothing to do or say.

Ever had your laptop hooked up to a projector for a work meeting with your boss and received an email from a buddy with read something like “How is your crocodile of a boss? Chewing your brains”????

One to one interactions between people have become a rarity, due to time constraints and to a large extent cue to mobile phones which makes connecting to someone a cakewalk. A lone human being talking animatedly with hand gestures and all may look like a possessed one, that is until you see the Bluetooth hanging against his ear. And nothing can be more embarrassing than replying to someone you think is talking to you, but actually he/she is on the Bluetooth. Another situation where most of us have been in – when a person is waving and we think that it is directed at us and we wave back with a smile, only to realize moments later that it was meant for the person standing behind..

Birthday parties are another source of awkwardness too. I know that this may sound impossible, but think of that awkward moment when people are singing the “Happy Birthday” song and gradually after the first stanza everyone’s voices trail off, and you have no idea where to look. And talking of birthdays, imagine that horrible time when a proud father/mother shows you the photo of a wrinkly newborn and asks you ,”Isn’t he cute?” (By the way, do not all the babies look uncannily similar?)

Internet has indeed made life wonderful. Unlike the ancient days, we need not work up a sweat to search for information. Everything is available at the click of the button. But what about that terrible moment when your computer screen freezes on an embarrassing site, and your Dad just walks in?

I, for one, have a general problem of photophobia, especially in the bright summer sun of Assam. But like almost all female members of my species, I feel that “kajal” makes my eyes appear beautiful. And I dread the times when I meet someone I looked forward for long to meet up with, and my eyes get watery and my companion thinks that I am crying!

Striking poses in front of the mirror in a public bathroom to select the best possible profile for photographs (and for impressing the special ‘someone’), and you don’t notice when someone walks in, and you pretend to wash your hands or to adjust your dress. Yes, I admit to being a victim of such a situation more than once.

It is good that people have an increasing fascination for “size zero” figures now, which means that they have a miniscule appetite too. But there are gluttons like me too, who cannot tolerate hunger pangs for too long. And those really awkward situations when mortals like me are sitting in a really quiet place, and our stomach starts to growl…..

Some awkwardness can lead devastating consequences too. Just try to think of that awkward moment when you call your wife by another woman’s name! I know, even the possibility of doing something like that makes the heart act funny…