Wedding woes

It was chilly evening a couple of years ago when I called upon Amit and Madhuri, unannounced. Amit had just reached home from his evening stroll when he suddenly slipped on the staircases and sprained his ankle. Madhuri was nursing her husband’s foot with teary eyes, “We love each other very much. We've been together for 32 years; I cannot bear to see him suffering."

Ah, love! Ah, three-decades-plus strong love! I look wistfully at the two greying love-birds as a romantic icon of long-lasting marriage. Thanks to his wife, Amit survived the fall and bounced back hale and hearty in a week.

It's not easy to fight the good fight "together like we have done everything." Aging poses new challenges for marriage. As the decades go by, the children grow up, the wrinkles get deeper and the libido weaker, will you really be there for better or for worse? How will you fight when the fall is more intense - whether the assault comes in a diagnosis of cancer, a financial crisis or a problem with a grandchild?

As the Beatles put it for a whole generation that now has gray hair: "Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm 64?"

For couple like Amit and Madhuri, the answer is an obvious, resounding  “yes” , and it turns out that they are not alone. To be sure, "living happily ever after" is more of a fairy tale sentiment than a reality of modern marriage - after all, nearly half of wedding ceremonies are followed by a divorce procedure. But for those who fight the situations, do not give up and emerge unscathed, relationships tend to get better with age. I have seen quite a few older couples who are happier and more satisfied than younger couples.

Our society is focused on young couples and child-rearing. Most of the younger couples have areas of potential conflict - money, children, sex and religion, socializing with friends and taking vacations. But as one grows older, marriages start losing the potential for conflict. Those who continue their marriage till the dusk of their lives discover the advantage of age in love. Maybe older people are better at resolving problems and keeping the flame of attachment alive than the younger Shirins and Farhads. Many couples experience a renaissance once they are no longer focused on raising children and getting ahead in the workplace.

I hope whatever I feel is right. It gives me something to look forward to as I grow old. We may not be able to run as fast or hear as well, but we're may turn out better at what matters most - love. And this age advantage in loving may also bode well for new unions as well as other significant relationships with friends and family.

But then, can aging by itself save all marriages? There has to be some durable connection to begin with. The spinal column of a marriage is revealed when the couple looks across the table in a quiet room, with lavender-scented candles revealing the stories behind the wrinkles on their faces, and it is just the two of them....Nothing else matters...